Things That Make Me Laugh

Cat Facts SMS

2012-01-27T10:28:00.002+08:00

Zombie vs Baby

2012-01-26T23:32:00.000+08:00

The Good Neighbor

2012-01-26T18:03:00.002+08:00

Baby Sleep Positions

2012-01-26T16:07:00.001+08:00

Follow the mascot

2012-01-12T13:58:00.002+08:00

You need more than your word these days

2012-01-12T13:56:00.002+08:00

Snowman Prank

2012-01-11T19:26:00.002+08:00

Wow, so big!

2012-01-10T19:15:00.002+08:00

Facebook Owned by Ex-Teacher

2012-01-10T13:50:00.005+08:00

GF Got Mad

2012-01-10T13:50:00.000+08:00

More Messages

2012-01-10T13:49:00.001+08:00

Batman

2012-01-07T23:43:00.001+08:00

Obama Trolled by Paul Supporter

2012-01-06T21:17:00.001+08:00

The Man who Slipped on the Ice

2012-01-04T19:36:00.004+08:00

NSFW Ass On Fire

2012-01-02T16:48:00.004+08:00

Remi Gaillard - Master Prankster

2012-01-02T00:17:00.000+08:00

LOL, I Want One

2011-12-31T19:39:00.001+08:00

Caught in the Act

2011-12-31T19:19:00.002+08:00

Mens Rights Requests

2011-12-31T19:17:00.003+08:00

Perspective

2011-12-31T19:14:00.001+08:00

Friendzone

2011-12-31T19:10:00.001+08:00

Cool Star Wars Toy

2011-12-27T21:57:00.002+08:00

Worst First Date

2011-12-27T03:17:00.002+08:00

A Tale of 3 Cranes

2011-12-24T18:22:00.001+08:00

Ready To Jinggle Your Bells?

2011-12-24T13:28:00.003+08:00

When I saw this, I thought it was going to be bad natured, but was funny

World champion masturbation

2011-12-22T15:22:00.002+08:00

Amusing, but not LOL funny

Facebook fails

2011-12-20T16:23:00.001+08:00

Chatroullette Smartarse Kid

2011-12-20T16:22:00.001+08:00

Must Be A Damn Good Joke

2011-12-20T16:20:00.001+08:00

TKD, So cute

2011-12-19T18:44:00.001+08:00

What A Dangerous Looking Criminal

2011-12-18T01:25:00.000+08:00

Ghetto Christmas Card

2011-12-17T13:49:00.001+08:00

Funny Reply

2011-12-16T21:49:00.000+08:00

The New Fresh Prince Meme

2011-12-16T19:01:00.000+08:00

Divorce Toilet Story

2011-12-15T19:04:00.001+08:00

Disturbing Toilet Story

2011-12-15T19:03:00.000+08:00

Facebook Real Life

2011-12-15T19:02:00.000+08:00

Winning Chats

2011-12-15T19:01:00.000+08:00

Duct Tape

2011-12-15T18:58:00.001+08:00

The Nagasaki Arch

2011-12-14T16:48:00.001+08:00

Christmas Decoration Prank

2011-12-13T21:54:00.001+08:00

Korean drummer takes the show

2011-12-09T21:56:00.000+08:00

Funny Captions

2011-12-09T01:28:00.002+08:00

Star Trek Generations

2011-12-09T01:20:00.001+08:00

Funny Gifs

2011-12-03T10:00:00.000+08:00

So.... how was your day?

2011-12-02T00:44:00.000+08:00

Japanese Prank Show

2011-12-01T22:38:00.000+08:00

51 Year Old Comparison

2011-11-28T13:19:00.001+08:00

Muhammad Ali 1981 Funniest Ali Video Ever Must Watch

2011-11-27T21:55:00.001+08:00

Petey Greene - How to Eat Watermelon

2011-11-24T19:45:00.001+08:00

In this clip from civil rights activist Petey Greene's Washington DC television program in the Spring of 1982, Greene explains how to eat watermelon. Utterly bizarre. Also, pointers on eating corn and fried chicken.

Way to enforce racial stereotypes

Poor Vader

2011-11-13T23:57:00.000+08:00

Putin

2011-11-12T08:44:00.001+08:00

Ghost - Buster

2011-11-12T08:41:00.001+08:00

Tattoo Artist

2011-11-06T09:32:00.000+08:00

Shopping Trolley Boo Boo

2011-11-03T14:24:00.003+08:00

Holloween Treat

2011-11-03T14:24:00.001+08:00

Barry

2011-11-02T19:21:00.001+08:00

Pinata

2011-11-02T16:01:00.001+08:00

Secret Angel

2011-11-02T15:54:00.001+08:00

How To Get The Girl

2011-11-02T15:51:00.001+08:00

Life's Too Short To Be Stuck In The Wrong Job

2011-11-02T15:49:00.001+08:00

Hey bro! I saw you in the news. No thank, I'll pass today

2011-11-02T15:47:00.000+08:00

LOL

2011-11-02T15:45:00.001+08:00

OWS 1%

2011-10-29T19:12:00.000+08:00

Thats Not What "Innocent" Means!

2011-10-28T05:11:00.000+08:00

He's Trying So Hard

2011-10-28T05:05:00.001+08:00

LOL @ PC Halloween Campaign

2011-10-28T04:29:00.002+08:00

Started with:

Ended with:

Real Life Troll

2011-10-25T22:13:00.001+08:00

Damn You AutoCorrect

2011-10-24T16:56:00.002+08:00

Brilliant Name For Comic Store

2011-10-22T23:22:00.000+08:00

Gold Troll

2011-10-21T19:12:00.001+08:00

OWS Troll

2011-10-18T19:27:00.000+08:00

Occupy Sesame Street

2011-10-11T14:31:00.001+08:00

Facebook = Google

2011-10-07T21:08:00.001+08:00

DUMB ASSteroid

2011-10-06T21:59:00.001+08:00

Reciprocating Sweet Nothings

2011-10-04T20:27:00.000+08:00

Prank Backfire

2011-09-11T23:08:00.002+08:00

iPad

2011-09-11T23:07:00.003+08:00

Beer Talking

2011-09-11T23:07:00.001+08:00

Meme Actor

2011-09-09T20:52:00.001+08:00

The DellPod

2011-09-09T20:47:00.000+08:00

Best One I've Seen

2011-09-08T22:10:00.000+08:00

Ad Placement Failures

2011-09-03T20:44:00.000+08:00

Crazy Horse Race

2011-09-01T17:37:00.000+08:00

Slow Mo Carlton Draught ad

2011-08-22T19:31:00.000+08:00

Dragon Ball Gymkata

2011-08-22T19:09:00.001+08:00

David Thorne - Missing Missy

2011-08-21T14:59:00.000+08:00

I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears.

I am not a big fan of cats. I do not hate them, I just have no interest in them whatsoever. If I visit your house, I do not want to pat your cat, sit on the couch where it has been or have you make me a sandwich after patting it. I didn't want that sandwich anyway. The Maxwell house coffee was bad enough and when you smelt the milk to see if it was still ok, despite being a week past its use by date, I saw your nose touch the carton.
I actually rescued a cat once. I was walking across a bridge, over a river that was in flood, when I heard mewing and saw a frantic cat being pulled along. I picked up a fairly hefty branch and threw it over the rail to where the cat was. I did not see it after that but I am pretty sure it would have climbed on and ridden the branch over the next set of rapids and waterfall to safety.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster

Hi
I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.

This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number.
Thanks Shan.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there cold, frightened and alone... possibly lying on the side of the road, her back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out "Shannon, where are you?"

Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the speedy return of Missy.

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

I never said I don't like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham 'Choose Life' t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a wet brown stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.

Attached poster as requested.

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how come the photo of Missy is so small?

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour please. Thanks.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,

Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.

I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I just want it to say lost.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it was your cat I would help you. Thanks.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,

I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn't have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.

I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed instructions.

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange. I gave you a photo of my cat.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this. If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?" you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.

I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.

Regards, David.

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove the reward bit. Thanks Shan.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.

From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.

David Thorne - Justin Beiber

2011-08-21T14:52:00.001+08:00

Renowned master of email aggravation David Thorne recently tormented a seemingly random coworker by digitally grafting Justin Bieber's obnoxious grin onto every single image in his stock photo library. Below is the brilliantly infuriating conversation that preceded this formal complaint, followed by several of the images Thorne Bieber-ized.

David Thorne - 8 Ball

2011-08-21T14:50:00.000+08:00

Using the Mattel® Magic 8 Ball to answer emails

I sent an email to a friend recently, asking several different questions, and he replied with the single answer "Yes, probably." It was obvious that he had either not bothered reading the email or could not be bothered answering my questions.

The next day when he emailed me, I replied using the Mattel® Magic 8 Ball™ to generate the random answers.

From: Simon Dempsey
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 9.38am
To: David Thorne
Subject: No Subject

Have you got a typeface called Garamond Semibold? I have the Garamond and bold and italic but not the semibold. I am doing a poster for Cathy and I reckon garamond would look good.

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 10.02am
To: Simon Dempsey
Subject: Re: No Subject

As I see it, yes.

From: Simon Dempsey
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 10.43am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Garamond

Which one? Yes you have the typeface or that it would look good on a poster?

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 10.52am
To: Simon Dempsey
Subject: Re: Garamond

Concentrate and ask again.

From: Simon Dempsey
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 11.14am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Garamond

What the fuck? I need the typeface Garamond. Have you got it or not?

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 11.18am
To: Simon Dempsey
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Garamond

You may rely on it.

From: Simon Dempsey
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 11.29am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Garamond

Send me the typeface dickhead.

From: Mark Pierce
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 2.08pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Hey

Hey. Are you at work?

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 2.25pm
To: Mark Pierce
Subject: Re: Hey

Signs point to yes.

From: Mark Pierce
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 2.53pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Hey

What? Can you drop over on your way home from work and help me lift a piece of glass up onto a table? It is too heavy to lift.

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 3.22pm
To: Mark Pierce
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Hey

My sources say no.

From: Mark Pierce
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 3.49pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hey

Are you serious? I tried lifting it a bit at a time and sliding books under it but I need heaps more books. Can you come for a quick drive now?

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 4.02pm
To: Mark Pierce
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Hey

Ask again later.

From: Mark Pierce
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 4.57pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: ?

Are you going to help me on the way back from work or not?

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 5.16pm
To: Mark Pierce
Subject: Re: ?

It is decidedly so.

From: Mark Pierce
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 5.24pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: ?

Good. Fuck you are annoying sometimes.

From: Justine Murphy
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 8.14pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Tree frogs ppt

Hi David, you forgot to send the attachment on your last email. Can you send it again please?
Justine

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 8.51pm
To: Justine Murphy
Subject: Re: Tree frogs ppt

You may rely on it.

From: Justine Murphy
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 9.15pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Tree frogs ppt

Ok. Can you resend it to me then please?

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 9.26pm
To: Justine Murphy
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Tree frogs ppt

Without a doubt.

From: Justine Murphy
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 9.44pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Tree frogs ppt

???? Did you attach it?

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 9.51pm
To: Justine Murphy
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Tree frogs ppt

Don't count on it.

From: Justine Murphy
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 10.27pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: ?

Are you fucking with me? Just attachment it ass hat.

From: Simon Dempsey
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 11.28pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: No Subject

Are you online?

From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 11.37pm
To: Simon Dempsey
Subject: Re: No Subject

Concentrate and ask again.

From: Simon Dempsey
Date: Wednesday 4 Feb 2009 11.41pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: No Subject

Fuck you.

David Thorne - Office Prankster

2011-08-21T14:34:00.001+08:00

Rhino Worldview

2011-08-20T04:43:00.001+08:00

Brilliant

2011-08-14T10:17:00.001+08:00

Postbox Confusion

2011-08-14T00:01:00.000+08:00

Australia's Got Talent - Super Italia

2011-07-23T20:22:00.001+08:00

He's Been On Before

Auto corrects

2011-07-22T16:03:00.002+08:00

Chili taster named Frank

2011-07-19T23:33:00.002+08:00

Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast: "Recently I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted. Here are the scorecards from the event:

Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili

JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

FRANK: Holy COW, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
__________________________________________________________________
Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili

JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
________________________________________________________________
Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.

JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.

FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now, get me more beer before I ignite. The Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting WASTED from all the beer.
___________________________________________________________________
Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic

JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.

FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it, is it possible to burn-out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. BITTY is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is chili an aphrodisiac?
____________________________________________________________________
Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off? It really MAKES ME MAD that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks!
____________________________________________________________________
Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.

JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, Sulfuric flames. I POOPED IN MY PANTS when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that WENCH Sally, she must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my BUTT with a snow cone!
______________________________________________________________________
Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like POOP to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
____________________________________________________________________________
Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili

JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted to a really hot chili?

FRANK: --------------(editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report)

Interesting Shirt

2011-07-14T12:22:00.001+08:00

WTF Statue

2011-07-14T12:21:00.000+08:00

Welcome Home Daddy

2011-07-14T12:20:00.001+08:00

Monster!

2011-07-14T12:18:00.000+08:00